Little House Lewd: Chapter 16

The rest of that week flew by. Mr. Wilder did come for her again. He did not mention their conversation, but he made a point to tell her he would see her again Friday or Sunday to pick her up or take her back.

At night Mr. Brewster tied her wrists behind her and used her hands and mouth as he wished before working her into a frenzy of need. Sometimes if he was not satisfied with her anguish he would bring her to that enticing precipice then cruelly make it plummet with a handful of snow just to work her back up again.

On the worst nights she was sure that she went mindless with desire, but she always woke the next morning sane. Several times Mr. Brewster had told her if she asked he would unlock her and make the torture end, but she would not give in.

Mrs. Brewster did not comment on the evening activities or Laura’s success at holding back.

Her pupils remained friendly and diligent. They seemed to have turned a corner and wanted to do their best to learn.

Lessons with Clarence were the highlight of her days. After school Monday through Thursday they studied together for an hour companionably. He was quickly progressing until he was far ahead of Martha and Charles, but they had more time to finish their schooling. When Laura left at the end of term he would also leave school for good, and he made tremendous efforts to get as far as he could before then.

Sometimes they studied their separate lessons in companionable silence. Sometimes they went over what he was learning. Still other times they had spirited debates about history or interpretations of content in the reading lessons. These afternoon sessions bolstered her moral to return to the Brewster’s house and endure another night of molestation.

There were no blizzards, but the weather was so cold that the wind felt like knives. The drives with Mr. Wilder were almost unpleasant due to the cold that kept them from being able to even hold a conversation most of the time. Instead of talking they mostly rode in comfortable silence that had stopped feeling awkward after Laura’s ungraceful clearing of the air.

On Saturday night at home after Carrie and Grace were tucked in bed Ma fretted because Laura had lost weight. “Are you sure you get enough to eat at Brewster’s?” Ma asked sharply, her face pinched with worry. “If you lose any more weight we will have to take in the seams on your dresses.”

“Yes, Ma, a great plenty. It doesn’t taste like home though,” Laura answered.
Pa studied her seriously. Slowly, with deliberation and gravitas, he cleared his throat and said, “Laura, you know you don’t have to finish the term. If anything worries you too much, you do not have to go back.”

Laura looked back at him in shock. Surely he did not mean that! He knew the family’s financial situation better than she did of course, but she knew that they could not afford her to do such a thing.

“Why, Pa!” she exclaimed. “I can’t quit! I wouldn’t get paid nor ever get another certificate. I’d never teach again.”

Ma interjected, “Perhaps you could find work in town instead. You’ve already taught three terms of school as it is, and there are chances in town for a woman now. Mrs. McKey was asking me just the other day when you would be back because she would like your help with dressmaking. Graduation is right around the corner and after that you can work as much as you like and make plenty without needing to be limited to teaching.”

The temptation to accept this chance to abandon the Brewster’s was nearly overwhelming. To not have to go back that long cold twelve mile drive and bear to be accosted every night would be a dream come true. As much as she wanted to accept the unthinkable offer, she knew she could not. Teaching was the most money she could make of any respectable job a woman could do.

Secretly, she also knew that this was all the time she would likely ever get with Clarence, or any man for that matter, and did not have the strength of heart to cut that short.

Somewhere even deeper, more embarrassing, where she could not even acknowledge to herself, a small part of her also had began to crave the deplorable acts with Mr. Brewster.

“It’s only one more month,” she said quietly, staring at her hands.

Ma and Pa exchanged a very serious look.

‘As you say, it is not long till the end of term,” Ma relented, “But do try to eat more, and get more rest. You don’t look as though you sleep enough.”

Laura thought ruefully that she hadn’t had a good night's sleep outside of the weekends in weeks, but of course she did not say that.

“I go to bed every night at eight o’clock.”

She was grateful that they did not push any further, but she almost wished they would forbid her to go back. They did not know the depths to which she dreaded to go back to the Brewster’s. What good would it do to tell them? Being at home over the weekend raised her spirits enough to return, and her evenings with Clarence gave her courage to soldier on.

That night her rest began fitfully. Nightmares woke her, and she would look around in terror that Mr. Brewster may come from the shadows to get in bed with her. She tried to stay awake and keep the horrid dreams at bay, but she was so exhausted. Long after the middle of the night she finally dropped into a dreamless sleep.

When she woke it was to bright midmorning sunlight. She sat up quickly, confused for a moment. Carrie and Grace’s bed was empty; there was no sound downstairs. Had they gone to church without her?

Laura dressed and went downstairs to find Ma sitting alone in her rocking chair knitting.

“I’m sorry; I’ve overslept so much,” Laura apologized. She looked to the clock and saw it was already after nine; church would have already started.

“You needed the rest,” Ma excused her. “I’ve kept your breakfast hot for you; it’s in the warmer. Go ahead and eat.”

Laura thanked her and went to the kitchen. She had not realized until she took the first bite of Ma’s crisply fried potatoes just how hungry she really was. Had she eaten supper last night? Try as she might, she could only remember sitting at the table. She could not even recall dinner or breakfast the previous day. She knew she had sat down to each meal but whether or not she had consumed them was lost.

She cleared the entire plate of potatoes, fried pork, and biscuits with honey and butter, and Ma looked at her approvingly when she saw the empty plate.

“Now, I believe it is time you tell me what it is that has gotten you so distressed,” Ma said gently.

Laura considered repeating her lie that she was only homesick, but alone with Ma and no one else to hear, she let the whole sordid tale out. She told of Mrs. Brewster’s quarrelling about her being there and wanting to throw her out, Mr. Brewster’s awful exploitation, the belt that she had to wear and Mrs. Brewster’s grim explanation of how her husband had used it to get his way in the past. She even admitted to how much she hated teaching. The only thing she kept to herself was her feelings towards Clarence. By the time she was finished she was on the verge of tears yet again.

Ma soothed her.

“You’ve had a much worse time of it than your Pa and I ever thought,” Ma admitted soberly. “This business with Mr. Brewster especially. I know men can be beastly, but I never imagined a married man would do such things with his wife right there in the room! And using such a device as that to coerce a girl as well!”

Laura nodded, dejected. “I’m afraid to say no to letting him lock the belt on me in case he gets carried away when he attacks me.”

“It is concerning,” Ma agreed. “At least it offers some protection, but the way he’s using it to torment you is awful.”

“Please, don’t tell Pa,” Laura begged, her face in her hands. “I couldn’t bear it if he knew what Mr. Brewster has done to me or how I’ve responded to the manipulation.”

Ma nodded. “I won’t tell him details of course, but surely you would want him to know that Mr. Brewster has taken advantage of you? That man deserves a good lynching if you ask me.”

Laura shook her head. “No, Pa would be devastated to know he drove me out there himself to be treated like that. I don’t think I could ever look him in the face again if he knew.”

For a moment, Ma was quiet, then gently broached the subject. “I don’t think it is wise to go back this afternoon. You’ve been fortunate to this point that he has only touched you, but it is pushing your luck if you go back. As you said last night, there are only a few weeks more, and as hard as he seems to be pressing to get you to give in, he may run out of patience and take what he really wants as the end of the term gets closer.”

Miserably, Laura sighed. She knew Ma was right, but that didn’t mean she could take her advice this time.

“If I quit I won’t get paid, and I’ll likely never teach again. I know there are more opportunities in town now, but teaching pays the most, and if I don’t teach how will Mary stay in college? How can Carrie and Grace have books and clothes for school? Pa’s had such bad luck with farming and there’s hardly enough money to pay for supplies and taxes, let alone all the extra expenses,” Laura lamented. “I can withstand a few more weeks, and if he does try to defile me I will fight him as best I can. I’ve not fought back yet so he doesn’t know how strong I am despite how little I may be.”

Ma was not pleased, but she could not argue. She knew better than Laura what the financial situation was.

“I hope Pa can get a good crop this summer,” Ma said. “If he can, you will not need to work to pay for family expenses anymore. A young woman your age should be socializing and courting instead of working all the time.”

A wicked image of her and Clarence walking together through a summer prairie flashed through her mind, and she shoved it away. By the time she could court he would probably be married and have children.

“Laura,” Ma said hesitantly, “in light of the circumstances you are in, I must remind you that self-indulgence is also inappropriate. Even if he does not deflower you, if he drives you to touching on your own that is nearly as bad for the soul.”

“I know, Ma,” Laura sighed. She hadn’t told of how close she came to touching herself multiple times, or the time in the latrine when she almost couldn’t hold herself back. “I have proven to myself that I have self-control enough to withstand even the worst of Mr. Brewster’s attempts. I can make it to the end of term with some effort, and after that I will have nothing else to test me.”